If College-Themed Porn Were Real

Situation One - The Naughty Student Cindi:
An attractive student with a large rack, walks up to the desk of her professor.

Porn:
Cindi: Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?

Professor: Some students do extra credit work.

Cindi: (has sex with him)

Reality:
Cindi: Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?

Professor: Some students do extra credit work.

Cindi: Like what?

Professor: A seven- to ten-page report about the economic principles behind trade rules in a Micronesian country of your choosing.

Cindi: Oh. That makes sense and is an appropriate extra credit assignment for the course.

Situation Two - The Hot Teacher Paul:
A student in his late twenties, walks up to the desk of his teacher, Professor Mandy, who has enormous breasts.

Porn:
Paul: You wanted to see me after class, professor?

Professor Mandy: Yes. I need to test your performance.

Paul: How?

Professor Mandy: (fellates Paul)

Reality:
Paul: You wanted to see me after class, professor?

Professor Mandy: Yes. I need to test your performance.

Paul: How?

Professor Mandy: A series of tests based on the material covered in this course.

Paul: Could I just have sex with you instead?

Professor Mandy: (sues Paul)

Situation Three - The Sorority:
Between two and a half-dozen attractive coeds sit on a large bed, in nighties which barely contain their ample bosoms.

Porn:
Head Sorority Girl: Let's have a naked pillowfight!

Assistant Head Sorority Girl: And practice kissing!

Sorority Girls: (do those things)

Reality:
I kind of assume this is what actually happens in sororities.

Situation Four - The Curious Freshman:
A very attractive freshman girl named Candi sits on a bed with her boyfriend, Brett. Did I mention that Candi has boobs the size of overripe grapefruit? She does.

Porn:
Brett: Let's try anal sex.
Candi: Okay.

Reality:
Brett: Let's try anal sex.

Candi: No.

Situation Five - The Janitor:
A strangely-muscular janitor knocks on the door of Bambi, a girl whose low-cut shirt reveals a veritable explosion of cleavage.

Porn:
Janitor: Do those pipes need cleaning?

Bambi: (apparently this is all the pillow talk she needs to have all kinds of sex with him)

Reality:
Janitor: Perhaps I should have stayed in school.
Bambi: I can see how you could be disappointed with your situation in life.